Hi, and welcome to the program Only the Lonely: The Importance of Finding Connection in the Legal Profession. My name is Tracy Kepler, and I'll be with you for the next hour speaking to this topic. You may wonder why a risk control director at an insurance firm is speaking to this issue. Initially, I would like to say that during 20 plus years of service as a regulatory prosecutor, I've seen the effects of impairment and untreated mental health issues on lawyers, their clients, their families, and the judicial system. I know that the health and well-being of an attorney is critical to their ability to effectively and competently represent clients. So I've spent most of my career looking at these types of issues and their impact on the legal profession In that work, I've served as a commissioner on the American Bar Association's Commission on Lawyer Assistance Programs, and I currently serve on the International Bar Association's Professional Well-Being Commission and on the advisory board for the Institute for Well-Being and law and the Mindfulness and Law Society. Loneliness and social isolation are crucial when we talk about wellbeing. It all is one part of the whole. And so where are we going for the next hour? Well, let's take a look at the roadmap. During this program, we're going to define the issue loneliness and social isolation. We're going to consider the risk factors for loneliness and social isolation and what causes it. What loneliness looks like in the legal landscape and how it affects us. What legal employers and individuals can do to combat loneliness? And then, most importantly, how to build a culture of connection and community to combat this epidemic. Humans are hard wired to connect. We are biologically programmed to need other humans, and a feeling of belonging and connection drives our happiness and well-being. Despite this, I think many of us will know what it's like to be lonely. It arises from either a lack of social relationships or a lack of close emotional bonds with those we have relationships with. It can occur because we work from home, or we don't interact with colleagues often, or we just don't have the time to pursue social connection. Or maybe we live alone and we don't see others as much as we should. Or maybe it's just that we don't have the quality of connection in our everyday lives. We don't have people we feel close to or share values with. Connection exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued, when they can give and receive without judgments, and when they derive sustenance and strength from that relationship. Although the increased use of technology has brought us all closer. Thank goodness for it. During the COVID epidemic, it really has reduced opportunities for face to face communication and instilled a sense of psychological loneliness. No screen interaction can ever equal the connections made in real time and real space. And while it's normally or I should say, while it's normal to occasionally feel lonely, long term loneliness is associated with an increased risk of certain mental health problems, including depression, anxiety, and increased stress. So let's take a look at the definitions of loneliness and social isolation. Loneliness and social isolation are different but related. Loneliness is the distressing feeling of being alone or separated. Social isolation is the lack of social contacts and having few people to interact with regularly. You can live alone and not feel lonely or socially isolated, and you can feel lonely while you're with other people. Being alone is a physical state, while loneliness is an emotional state. The key difference between being lonely and being alone is this emotional attachment. Like I said, being alone is just a state. It means you're not with other people. Loneliness is this emotion which describes, um, let's say, a feeling of sadness attributed to not having connection. The experience of loneliness is a feeling of isolation, Solitude, as another word, is the state of being alone but not feeling lonely. If you consistently enjoy being alone, that's a good sign and you have a healthy relationship with yourself. If you find yourself avoiding alone at all costs, it may be a sign that you need to work on that relationship. Of course, as I said, there are all times when we feel lonely and that can be totally normal. When balanced, we enjoy our alone time as well as the company of others we are in tune with when we need to separate ourselves for some inner reflection or quiet time, and when we need to get out and be around people. Our relationship with ourselves is at an and others is a balanced state and equilibrium. We have a sense of individuality, but we also recognize and support our need for a role as part of a larger group. Personality also plays a role in how comfortable people are with solitude. Introverts may require more solitude as a time of recharging and re-energizing. Extroverts might minimize their solitary time as they recharge through that connection or through social interaction. I think many of us have have said or have felt, you know, I feel alone in a crowd when we are surrounded by others, but we feel still feel as though no one understands us on a deeper, deeper level or what we're actually going through. Loneliness is not about whether you are in close physical proximity to others. Instead, it's about connection, whether you feel connected to and supported by others. So what does loneliness then? While common definitions of loneliness describe it as a state of solitude or being alone, loneliness is actually a state of mind. It causes people to feel empty, alone and unwanted. People who are lonely often crave human contact, but their state of mind makes it more difficult to form connections with others. The American Psychological Association defines loneliness as the affective and cognitive discomfort or uneasiness from being or perceiving oneself to be alone or otherwise solitary. In other words, it's the mental and emotional discomfort that you may experience from either being alone or feeling as though you are alone. And this feeling stems from your social needs not being met, or an inability to get that connection that you need. Loneliness generally relates to the quality of our relationships rather than how many we have. Now, I think all of us have a different appetite for social connection. So it's not about how many friends you have, but about how close you feel to them. Studies have shown that loneliness is a common experience. You know, 1 in 4 adults feel lonely at some time. And this feeling, this state impacts upon our physical, mental and emotional health. And it's also caused by a variety of factors that we'll talk about later. Additionally, there are different types of loneliness. There's emotional loneliness where that's, you know, the absence of meaningful relationships. There's social loneliness, which is a perceived deficit in the quality of social connections. And then there's this. It's this existential, hard to say, existential loneliness, a feeling of fundamental separateness from others in the wider world, something on a higher plane. Other types of loneliness can include transient, you know, a feeling that comes and goes. Situational, where we feel lonely or alone at certain times, like holidays or chronic loneliness, where we're just feeling lonely all or most of the time. I think all of us are aware, um, of the US Surgeon General's report that just came out. It was an 82 page advisory on the issue, talking about the growing concerns around the dangers of longing, loneliness, and really issuing a call to action. Um, the the advisory cites data from all kinds of studies around the globe. Um, and in this study, it actually said nearly half of adults in the US experience feelings of loneliness daily. So how does loneliness feel on the emotional side? It's a want of intimacy and it's felt as anxiety or depression. On the social side, it's an absence of relationships and a network of friends with common activities, and it's felt as aimless aimlessness, boredom, or anxiety. What are some of the things you know, we say to ourselves and others when we feel lonely, and you can see some of them up on the screen? You know, you've said, I don't have anybody to talk to or nobody really gets me. Um, I feel left out. I feel isolated from others. Or maybe it's. You know what? It's really hard for me to make friends, or I'm not important to anyone. I don't feel like anyone needs me, and. And I don't really exist. Or I feel alone with myself. Or how about this one? You know what? It's safer just to be alone. Then I can't get rejected. All of these kinds of statements and feelings go to this loneliness aspect. So looking at some studies from around the globe of who is lonely, I mean, I think we're catching a wide net because it can be everybody at some time. But various United States and UK studies have shown and you saw, you know, over half in this study says over 60% of adults in the United States report feeling lonely. Young adults between the ages of 18 and 22 have been found to be the loneliest age group. Another interesting one. The number of people who live alone has increased by over 30% in the last few decades. Another cause or trigger that we'll talk about later. Um, 1 in 5 Americans say they have nobody to talk to about important matters. One for our well-being. People who feel socially isolated are more likely to engage in unhealthy habits or unhealthy behaviors, like problematic drinking. Social media, which we'll talk about later, is associated with loneliness and increased feelings of loneliness. Men are much more likely than women to report feeling lonely, but women are more likely to seek help for their loneliness or reach out to community. Single parents and single adults without children are at a higher risk for loneliness than those who are married or who have children. Um, and people with disabilities, especially with those with mobility impairments, report higher levels of loneliness than those without disabilities. Physical illness. People with physical illnesses, um, LGBTQ individuals, may be at higher risk, um, due to discrimination and stigma that they may face from society, community or family members, people in rural areas more than urban areas. And I think a lot of that has to do with lack of transportation options that also can create isolation for seniors, other people with disabilities, mental health conditions, children. I mean, I think we're we're really I could put everybody into this group loneliness by age. As I said, generation Z is the loneliest generation. Um, that was done by a report in Cigna. Millennials. Those are the 22 to 37 year olds also report high levels of loneliness. Um, adults over 45, you know, say they're they are lonely, too. And adults over 65 are particularly vulnerable. Loneliness by gender. I talked about that. Men more typically you know, we we we have our lonely equally. But men are less likely to do something about it. Um, loneliness Loneliness by race, even. Um, loneliness can affect individuals of different races in unique ways. Um, there was a study by the national academic academic. I'm sorry, academic. Academy of Sciences, Engineering and Medicine, Black Americans, where it reported that Black Americans report feeling lonely more often than white Americans, with 44% of black adults reporting feelings of loneliness, compared to 37 of the 37% of the white adults. Same situations for Hispanic or Latino individuals and as well as Asian Americans. This study that you see on the screen in front of you is a Gallup survey that talks about or that provides these percentages in age breakdowns. And I think as you see, you know, all of them, maybe the 19 and 20 year olds have the highest, but all of them are pretty equal. And so I think this loneliness and social isolation really does impact upon all of us, no matter what age, in some way. So let's take a look at some of the causes of loneliness and social isolation. The first one I want to look at are life changes, moving. You know, whether you're moving closer to, you know, to be closer to loved ones or family or you're relocating for financial or health reasons, pulling up the stakes can often feel, um, like it signals the end of an era. You know, you're sifting through your belongings, deciding what you're going to take, and there's going to be a whole flood of memories that come with that process. Um, and if you're older and transitioning from the family home to smaller digs or maybe even a retirement community, it's also common to feel as if moving represents a loss of control, specifically if you can no longer care for yourself. How about, you know, loneliness when you're moving out, say, to college or to your first home away from your parents. It's a subject that we don't talk about often. Um, and most people don't realize that it's part of this process. First time movers find themselves suddenly hit by a feeling of loneliness that they haven't experienced before because they always had somebody around. And then once it settles, it leaves them a little bit confused on how to tackle it. Living alone means while you're in your home, there's nobody else there. There's nobody else around. For better or worse, I guess. Um, and there has to be a lot of effort, you know, or I should say, the effort that you used to put in to deal with your roommates or your family. Um, now you're free from that. There's no one else but you. Your own thoughts. And if you're working from home eight, ten, 12 hours a day, you're going to find yourself in a situation where you don't have a lot of contact with other people. I think two things are going on here. The time that used to be filled with other people is now just plain empty, and you're spending much less quality time than you were prior with other people. Yes, you're spending time with people at work if you're going to the workplace or at school, but it's less quality time. Quality time is the difference between sitting on a couch, watching TV all day, or doing something fun with others in activities that engage you, that challenge you, and that feed your soul. And if you've moved to a new city and you haven't formed any bonds with your new community, that can leave you feeling lonely. Not only are you less connected to other people, but you're less connected to what's physically around you because you don't know the neighborhood. You don't know where you know what's around you in your new, um, a new apartment, new house, new community. And the end result, sadly, is that you don't only feel lonely, but you feel a sense of emptiness. Graduation. Leaving school. Similar to moving right, leaving a familiar environment, familiar faces, familiar friends, familiar routine can leave you isolated and alone. Another one that's not talked about often is parenting. Being a parent, especially a new parent, can be incredibly isolating and lonely. Suddenly you're taking care of a little person's needs 24 over seven, 365 and the sleeplessness and the health scares and the emotional ups and downs that come with the territory can leave you with little time for yourself. I think a lot of us also lack the social support or community to call our own during these during this time. Additionally, a lot of parenting feels like a solo journey, even if you have somebody else with you. The late nights, the insomnia, the feedings to the point where many parents will express feeling a sense of loneliness even if they have a partner. When you add the mental health challenges, the hormonal changes into the mix, life as a parent can feel even more isolating. And how about losing a loved one? There are aspects of grief that make loneliness seem inevitable and unsolvable, primarily the fact that what you desire the most is your loved one, and what you have is an emptiness molded so precisely to your loved one's likeness that no one else could ever fill it. People who are grieving are at a disadvantage when it comes to loneliness, because the person that they long for their community is gone. Once your brain starts thinking in a I'm on my own and I have to look out for myself kind of way, it may even start to guard against others by pushing them away. And as you know, you might expect, this perpetuates the feelings of loneliness. Another trying aspect of loneliness, which is often more difficult to talk about, is the sense of feeling, or having been abandoned by the one who died, regardless of the actual circumstances. Grievers may feel as if they've been left deserted and alone, even if that isn't true. And then the last one retirement. Are those golden years right after years spent looking forward to retirement. It's liberating to no longer have to go in every day to have those stresses, to have those worries. And at first it might seem, ha ha, I'm on a perpetual vacation. But after a few months, it's normal to feel a bit lost. You may be bored having more time in your hands, or worried about expenses, or missing the person you thought you'd share your time with your work friends. It's lonely. Two more that aren't out there that I thought about as I was preparing for this. Um, our divorce, you know, transitioning from coupled to single is challenging at any age. And even if you wanted the relationship to end, it can still feel strange and lonely to be without that person you saw every day for so many years. And the last one is becoming a caregiver. More than 1 in 5 adults in the United States provide assistance to aging parents, spouses, and loved ones. Caregiving can be incredibly rewarding, but it also can contribute to emotional stress and isolation. You may feel, you know some of those statements we said earlier, you may feel that nobody understands your situation. I don't have anyone to talk to about it. You may withdraw from social activities because of the time constraints or quite frankly, you're tired, right? Lack of motivation. Mental health conditions here. I think it's kind of like the chicken or the egg. Is it the cause or is it the effect? You know, when I experience depression or I'm anxious or I'm stressed out, it makes me retreat from my community and it makes me feel lonely. But these can also be causes, and we'll talk about that later. Similarly, when I am, you know, in a situation where I'm suffering from chronic pain, um, maybe I have a cognitive impairment. I'm in the hospital. I've received a cancer diagnosis. I just don't feel well. I tend to retreat, which leads, you know, I don't have community. I don't have a people around me. I don't want people around me. I don't feel good. Which can lead one to social isolation and to loneliness, a whole bunch of personality characteristics. Um, and this is a gross overgeneralization, I know, but some characteristics, um, which may make us feel more lonely. Um, you know, in the general population we have shy, anxious, socially awkward, low self-esteem, weak family support systems. And on the other side, in the highly trained. And think about if this sounds like any, any lawyers, you know, um, you know, we're independent, competitive, self-reliant, uh, trained to argue, perfectionist, hyper vigilance. Um, like I said, sound like any lawyers, you know. Some other factors that lead or that contribute to social isolation. Um, clearly, as I said, living alone, um, being unemployed and not having that community Covid, I mean, let's don't we can't how many situations? Lockdowns, physical distancing, the switch to remote work and school during the pandemic increased people's loneliness and lack of these meaningful quality interactions. This one technology is a big one. We are spending more time on screens and less time in human interaction. How many times have you been out at a restaurant and you've seen a family at a dinner table, and every single person is looking at their screen, looking at their phone instead of talking to one another. I mean, I think the relationship between technology and loneliness is complex. And some say that technology can both connect and isolate people. And while technology can be used to reduce loneliness, particularly think about, you know, your grandparents who are in a different state or a different country, talking on FaceTime, talking with their grandchildren. Um, excessive use can also increase feelings of of isolation and loneliness. And I turn back to the Surgeon General's report because I think it's particularly instructive here. Um, it reflected several examples of harms. Um, you know, technology displaces in-person engagement. It monopolizes our attention, it reduces the quality of our interaction, and it even diminishes our own self-esteem. And this can lead to greater loneliness, fear of missing out conflict and reduced social connection. Some people say that social media improves interpersonal interactions and reduces loneliness. Others say that long term use of social media is is starting to replace real world interactions with virtual relationships, which tend to increase feelings of social isolation and loneliness. There are a lot of studies out there that also confirm that too much social media usage can cause emotional harm. A 2017 study found that heavy social media users were three times more likely to feel socially isolated than casual users. Social media can also make people feel like the FOMO, right? The fear of missing out, the fear of missing out on meaningful social events. And then that in turn leads to feelings of exclusion, stress and insecurity. There was a great US based study where participants who use social media for more than two hours a day had about double the odds of reporting increased perceptions of social isolation compared to those who used social media for 30 minutes or less per day. I you know, this we have we can have a whole nother conversation on social media and the way it's, um, you know, is cyberbullying, harassment and stalking. But that's a conversation for a different day. Smartphones, even, um, you know, consistent access to smartphones can prevent people from making personal connections. You know, instead of picking up the phone and talking to someone or talking to somebody in person or sending texts all the time or chats. Um, I think for many people it's actually become habitual, right? The first time we have a free moment, we grab for our phone. Um, and this behavior could really be making our our loneliness worse. Um, a University of Arizona study found that smartphone dependence was linked to higher rates of loneliness and depression in young and young adults. And the last thing about technology is self-isolation. Excessive use of technology can cause people to self-isolate or we avoid social interactions which can lead to depression, anxiety, poor street, poor sleep and low self-esteem. So what about lawyers and loneliness? Are we a segment of the population, a segment of the workforce that are more lonely? Um, you know, there's a lot of research out there that lawyers have a have a preference for introversion, intuition, thinking, you know, all things within our own site, within our own brain, rather than outside or external sources. And they're all traits that make us great at what we do, but they make us lonely. Um, you know, there's another. Michael Melcher described the practice of law as the introvert Paradise. And Larry Richard, who did the whole, um, study and wrote the book on, on the on Happiness in the Legal Profession, cited in his research with thousands of lawyers that lawyers actually score lower in social sociability 12% versus 50% in the general population. When we think about this, you know, um, it can bring, you know, we're adversarial sometimes in insensitive, detached, um, you know, impartial by design. That's what we do for a living. I think all of these things, um, you know, mixed with that whole grab grab bag of chronic stress, um, the inability to acknowledge or even express feelings or that there might be a problem. All of this can lead to depression, anxiety, substance use disorders, and, quite frankly, chronic loneliness. Some other characteristics or some other situations in the legal profession that are leading to loneliness and increased isolation. How we work long hours. We're, you know, we're working all the time, even on the weekends, even in the middle of the night, which in turn takes away time from those relationships, from creating new ones. Um, or working on the existing ones. Or how about this? You know, it's all about me. We we're thinking about ourselves. Um, which which makes it difficult to develop deep interpersonal relationships or skeptics or pessimism. You know, we're pessimists by design. We have to be. We're looking out for risk. We're looking what is the what is the adversary going to say? What is our opponent going to say? Um, and these are great qualities for attorneys, but it's terrible for being a human being. Um, lack of civility, the way we talk to one another, we always have to win. Um, primary focus on money and and, you know, boosting profits as opposed to finding meaning and value in what we do, and that it's often a solitary task all leads to social isolation and loneliness. How about how we work as lawyers, you know, during Covid or when we're in the office? How many of you have sent an email to your colleague next door? Instead of just getting up, knocking on the door and having a face to face conversation? Um, you know, we walk in, we may say hello to somebody as we walk in, and then we go into our office, shut the door. We don't even come out for lunch. We don't even come out for meals. We're having it brought to us. We're eating through lunch by ourselves, doing work. Plus we're on all the time. Going back to this technology that I referenced, right? We are doing always working, never, you know, taking out time or carving out time to build, to cultivate our relationships. And I think, you know, we're isolating from others, um, working in an office where you can hear a pin drop all day, where there's not a buzz, where there's not a hum of activity, where there's not community around to talk to, to interact with, to collaborate with. Takes a toll on the psychology of all the people involved. Um, trigger warning here. There was a great survey, um, done a couple of years ago called stressed, lonely and overcommitted. And it was predicting suicide risk among lawyers. It looked at 2000 practicing lawyers in California and D.C., and the research found that lawyers were twice as likely as the general population to commit or have some, I mean, to contemplate or to have some suicidal ideation, and that the perceived stress was the number one predictor of suicidality. Lonely lawyers were nearly three times more likely to have suicidal ideation than, and those who are overcommitted or highly overcommitted twice as likely. Um, male lawyers were twice as likely to have the suicidal ideation, which is a notable difference from the general population where women actually experience higher levels. Um, and this one was was particularly, um, informative or insightful for me. Um, the profile of a lawyer who has the highest risk for suicide is a lonely or socially isolated male who has a high level of unmanageable stress, is overly committed to their work, and may have a history of mental health issues or problems. If you want to read the whole article, I've given the link. It was from in, um, a journal called healthcare in 2023. How about false front this veneer that we put up to to to, you know, not show our real selves. Um, projecting this invulnerable veneer may seem like a really useful strategy to win clients and impress others, but it's an incredibly harmful tactic when it comes to your mental and emotional well-being. Um, whenever we stray away from our authentic self and we pretend to be something that we know ourselves not to be, we are automatically separating ourselves from others. Um, the only way that we're going to establish real and meaningful human connection is to know and be known by someone else. And that includes everything the good, the bad, the ugly, our vulnerabilities, our failures, our strengths, our dreams, our successes. All of it. And how about for lawyers? Just the weight of the work. I mean, you don't often talk about compassion fatigue with lawyers. Usually it's, you know, paramedics, doctors, um, you know, people on the front lines dealing with trauma every day. But when you think about it, we lawyers are dealing with that because we take on, we listen to, we hear our clients matters and we hold on and we internalize that emotional material we hear, and our client stories start to weigh us down. We don't share it with anybody. Um, we don't, you know, there's nobody who can listen to me. There's nobody who can understand me. And quite frankly, we can't share it with anybody because of, you know, unless we anonymize it because of client confidentiality issues. Um, so that that tends to make us isolated and lonely solo practitioners who are out there all by themselves. They don't have any support staff. They don't have a community. They're working all alone, may tend to feel socially isolated and alone. Or the new lawyer who you know is dealing with some maladaptive perfectionism, or the imposter syndrome, who constantly feels unqualified, afraid to show their true selves, afraid to make a mistake, feeling lonely, socially isolated, or even a big law associate who feels pressured to overperform right, I've got a bill I've got to keep up with the other high pressure or high achieving associates. Loneliness. So how does it affect us? Loneliness and social. Social isolation. How? What are we seeing? What happens to our physical selves? And this, um, this image, this graph is actually taken from the Surgeon General's report, and it says lacking social connection is as dangerous as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day. Right? I used to say, you know, sitting is the new smoking lacking social connection? Social isolation is the new smoking. Socially connected people live longer, right? 7.5 years is what some people are saying it. Social connection increases the odds of survival by 50%. Cardiovascular, right? There's a lot of evidence that links social connection to physical health, and that connection is the strongest when we look at heart disease and stroke, stroke outcomes. And you can see some of the, you know, the data that's up there, some of the percentages, you can actually look to the Surgeon General's report for these studies. But you can see this one I thought was fascinating. Heart failure. Patients who reported high levels of loneliness had a 68% increased risk of hospitalization, a 57% higher risk of emergency department visits, and a 26% increased risk of outpatient visits compared with those patients reporting low levels of loneliness. High blood pressure. Again, a whole bunch of studies that demonstrate the more social support one has, the greater reduction in the possibility of developing high blood pressure, even in populations who are at higher risk for the condition. Right. Um. Makes a difference. Diabetes. Another one? Um, you know, population based studies show the impact of social connection on the development of type two diabetes and diabetic complications. Right. Social disconnection has been linked to an increased risk for the development of type two diabetes, as well as living alone. You know things to think about. How about this one? I would have never considered this at all. Infectious disease. People who are less socially connected may have increased susceptibility and weaker immune responses when they are exposed to infectious disease. Um, you know, talking about common colds and flu. Um, you know, after you're exposed, loneliness and poor social support were found to significantly contribute to the development and the severity of the illness. There was a great, um, study that was conducted on immune responses to the Covid 19 vaccine. And it found that lack of social connection with neighbors, Um, and the resulting loneliness was associated with weaker antibody responses to the vaccine. Inflammation? I would have never thought about this one either. Right. Um, evidence shows that being objectively isolated, or even the feeling or thought or perception of being isolated can increase inflammation to the same degree as physical inactivity. Cognitive function. Um, you know, why do you think ballroom dancing is one of the best ways to, um, um, combat decreasing cognitive function, community, community, being with others, moving. Um, there's also substantial evidence that links social isolation and loneliness with accelerated cognitive cognitive decline and an increased risk of dementia in older adults, including Alzheimer's, depression, anxiety and stress. Remember I said the chicken or the egg? Um, a lot of, um, and you can see it in the Surgeon General's report, a bunch of longitudinal studies that found that the odds of developing depression and adults is more than double among people who report feeling lonely, often compared to those who rarely or never feel lonely again. Community supports have people to talk to, have people to draw upon and cope with your situations. And we talked about suicidality and self-harm. Um, again, the one study talks about it, some Some other studies that talk about men are having more difficulty with the loneliness, social isolation and, um, um, suicidal ideation. So that was a lot, right? A lot of depressing statistics, a lot of studies that show, um, how loneliness and social isolation can really impact upon not only our mental, but our physical and our emotional health. So what are we going to do? How are we going to change it? How are we going to find connection, um, in the workplace as well as in our personal lives? And I think the first step, the first thing that we have to do is acknowledge it right over. The first step to overcoming loneliness is realizing how I feel and the impact that it's having on my life. You know, it's not something that we want to acknowledge in ourselves. I think a lot of us may feel a sense of shame in admitting to ourselves that we're lonely. Surely there's something wrong with us if we're feeling lonely. You know, why aren't we doing something about it? Why don't we have a better sense of community? Why am I not partnering with others? Um. But how do we practically acknowledge the impact of loneliness without it damaging our own self-worth? And I think we have to start by objectively looking at how we're feeling emotionally and physically. We can start to see what's going on for us. It can help us identify where and how things have changed. You know, you may want to ask yourself, how am I feeling, right? I don't feel great physically. I don't have as much. Get up and go. Um, you know, I miss having conversations with X. I miss going out to Y. And what has changed for me? I don't see my friends as much. I don't have anybody to talk to. Maybe there's not even any point in making an effort right now. There's an acknowledgement there, right? While you're noting that there may be an external reason for it, it's exploratory, it's self. It's a self-supporting step to take recognizing it. And then what we do is something about it. And the first one is connection to others or community. Connecting with the community can help combat loneliness by providing a sense of belonging and examples of healthy relationships. How do we build community? Well, we host gatherings, right? You can organize events at your home or elsewhere. Game nights, trivia nights, hiking, whatever. Do it with somebody else. Nurture existing relationships. It's very hard to carve out time. You see your phone ring and you're like, okay, I'll get to that later. Or an email comes in for a friend and you're like, okay, when I'm finished with the workday, I'll respond. Schedule time to stay in touch with friends or family. There's a great story in the New York Times a couple of years ago. A couple months ago, I can't remember where it said just eight minutes a day. Eight minutes to carve out, time to nurture these relationships, to talk with friends and family goes such a long way. Making new connections. Reaching out to new people. Clubs, volunteers. Explorer, you know, online communities and forums, which then gets you into a physical, um, connection. Find community through shared interests. Take a class a workshop, attend local events, a concert, you know, open mic night. I don't care whatever it is, where there are others. Another way to combat the loneliness and isolation. Get busy right? Involvement. Volunteer with an organization you care about, you're passionate about, or an event in which you're interested. Um, feeling needed and useful and part of the crowd is important. Reconnect with your own interests. What your hobbies are, you know, especially if you're in a new place. Um, it's a new way of meeting people and connecting. Um, starting a hobby helps combat loneliness and isolation. Evening classes, sports. Maybe it's even a part time job. I know that when I moved, um, to Boston for a period of time, um, I got a part time job at Crate and Barrel, and those friends in Boston have become lifelong friends. And then when I even came back to Chicago, I said, hey, Crate and Barrel, do you have any jobs here? And again, those people have formed part of my closest community. Be curious is another one, right? It's easier to connect with people if you have shared interests or experience. So start paying attention to what's on your mind. What are you thinking about? What motivates you? What excites you? Knowing yourself can be a first step to bonding with others and if it's meaningful and fun for you, it may lead you to an activity or a creative outlet that connects you with other people who share those same interests. I talked about this a little bit earlier. How about enjoying your own company, right? Having lots of friends and contacts in your life doesn't mean that you're not going to feel lonely. Um, sometimes. And for a lot of us, feeling lonely is linked to low self-esteem or self-confidence. So when we start improving our relationship with ourselves, um, you know as well as others, it can help us feel less lonely. How do we do this? Well, first we got to think about self-care, right? What does it mean to you? It looks different for everyone, and some people who live alone find it comforting to have some background noise. I, for one, like to have the television all the time on all the time, not because I'm listening to it, but because it's other noise there. Um, it could be a podcast. It could be the radio. Whatever it is, maybe you need another voice there and start doing activities by yourself, right? Go for a walk, arts and crafts, puzzles, cooking a meal from scratch, getting up, moving your body. Um, decluttering. You know, finding the the the items that bring you joy and getting rid of the rest. Um, there's no one way to make this happen. It's going to come to you by trying a whole bunch of different things and try them, see what makes you feel good, and then also be patient with yourself. This isn't a you know, I did this and ta da, I'm not lonely or I'm more self-confident. I mean, it's going to take time. This goes hand in hand with the self-care that I've been talking about. You know, exercise, right? Getting up, stretching. It triggers endorphins in the brain. Happy hormones, sunshine, a healthy diet. Sleep is key. It's closely tied to emotional health and loss of sleep or poor sleep habits really can aggravate feelings of loneliness and isolation. Try some better sleep habits, and some of those are up on the slide in front of you. This one kind of makes me laugh because I think our parents always said, you know, stranger danger. Don't talk to strangers. But there's a growing body of research that suggests even a seemingly trivial interactions with strangers. You know, the barista at Starbucks, um, cashier. The Walmart greeter may be able to keep loneliness at bay by helping us feel more connected. Reach out. Say hello. Smile. Ask them how they are. Chat about what's on your mind. Even these small acts make a big difference and help you reduce feelings of loneliness. Um. Share something about yourself. It doesn't have to be the biggest, darkest secret of your life. Just something that you think or that other people might find interesting and compelling. See where it goes. Even if you're nervous about being judged or dismissed or somebody won't, you know I don't have time. Putting yourself out there. Yeah, it requires a bit of risk, but it's the first step to that authentic, authentic connection that we need. Brush up on those social skills. I think with all the social media, a lot of us are rusted rusty, um, you know, at the social graces that help us build deeper connections. Sometimes it makes a difference whether you can be enthusiastic rather than just sitting there. You know, there's a whole bunch of things. Smile, be engaging, be a good listener and ask. Follow up conversation or questions shows that you're interested. Um, even chats, like I said, talking to strangers, even chats that don't lead to friendships can be enriching. There was a great 2022 study that found that people who had the most diverse portfolios of social interactions, and that's exchanges with strangers, acquaintances, friends, family members were much happier than those with the least diverse social portfolios. Um, you know, a wide variety of interactions leads to wellbeing. And whether it's, you know, the cashier at the supermarket, a neighborhood, an old friend, a new one, it doesn't matter. All of these connections, all of these conversations go a long way to helping you feel less lonely. Change the focus, right. Right. Develop a sense of awe when you give to others. Instead of thinking about yourself, you take the focus off yourself and you do good at the same time, and it helps you to feel more connected and less lonely. Oops, sorry. This is the Or one again, sorry. You know, um, uh, it helps us meet. It makes time seem like it's standing still, and it helps us be more open to connecting. I think there is something really valuable about feeling small in the context of a big world that helps us to see ourselves as part of a whole, which may make us feel less alone. Um, expose yourself to something that creates or might be part of this big, this big blue marble boosting self-esteem. Another one. And I think a lot of times a lack of self-esteem, we're nervous. We're going to be judged. We don't want to get out there. We don't want to put ourselves out there. It really can hold us back in social situations. Um, meeting new people is incredibly stressful, creates a lot of anxiety when you don't feel good about yourself. And so there are a whole bunch of ways that you can go about, um, boosting your self-esteem. Um, you know, setting goals that are achievable, identifying those negative beliefs and challenging them, recognizing your strengths, accomplishments and talents and talents, and then practicing some self-compassion. How about work relationships? Um, you know, lots of true colleagues at work, but no real friends. Um, I have to say, I thought it was very interesting. You know, the paradox of having more contact with our colleagues doesn't make it doesn't make us feel more lonely. It's the. It's the. It's not the quantity, right? It's the quality. Um, and if you the study that that's up here, employees typically spend nearly half their entire day, one half of their entire day. I think it's more sending emails and messages often to people within a radius of just a few desks. Um, you know, these new models of working to hybrid working, telecommuting, um, on demand gig economy, um, you know, all of these kinds of things have created flexibility, but they've reduced the opportunities for in-person interaction. And so we have to combat that. We have to make time for others happy hours, coffee breaks, lunch team building exercises, whatever it is, they're all designed to build connection between colleagues on a deeper level. And if all of these things aren't working, and you're still feeling this overwhelming sense of loneliness, of anxiety, of depression, reach out. Seek help. You know, talk to someone, talk to a trained professional. And there are all kinds for the lawyers. There are all kinds of lawyers assistance programs in each state that you can reach out to, and I have the link for those at the end in the resources. A great place to start, a great place where you can see there is someone who understands you and someone who can talk to you, and it is all confidential. You know, when we talk about lawyers, um, uh, lawyer loneliness, in addition to the lawyers assistance programs, things that we can do, um, you know, joining bar associations, solo practitioners, connecting with other solos, sharing office space, joining groups, sharing cases, referrals, or having or serving as mentors. Um, big firm associates, you know, getting to know their colleagues, mentoring, coaching relationships, identifying ally allies, um, joining like minded groups, uh, you know, whether it be an affinity bar, whether it be, uh, a national bar association, whatever it is, um, and finding support in your real life outside of your workplace, how to help someone who is lonely. I think there are really four key areas. Um, you have to listen once someone starts, you know, sharing how they're feeling. Listen. Not looking at your phone, not offering advice, not comparing what they're going through with your own experiences, or trying to solve their problems. Just active listening. Um, it's okay if you're not an expert, right? Just listening can help someone work through what's on their mind, encouraging them patience and understanding. Remember, people who are experiencing loneliness might find it hard to connect, especially if they've been feeling lonely for a long time. But over time they will re-engage. And just being there, right? If somebody may need to not need to talk. Trust your instincts. Strike up a conversation. Just simply being there for someone can help. How are you doing? What can I do? What can firms do? Um, you know, I think when we talk about this from a culture of change or a theory of change or organizational success, there are a lot of things that firms can do and firms can put into place to cultivate well-being or to develop a culture of well-being. This infographic is taken from, um, the Task Force on Um on lawyer Well-Being and the Path to Lawyer Well-Being report that came out in 2017, recognizing that it is multifactorial, um, that it is a continuous process in all of these six areas in which lawyers must strive for thriving in each dimension of their lives. Social is a critical one, right? Developing a sense of connection, belonging a well-developed support network, while also contributing to our own groups and communities. Having the firm develop and create a culture of wellbeing, right? Working to actively combat social isolation and encourage interconnectivity, um, a whole bunch of social activities and social support that comes from this. And one of the things out of the Surgeon General's report that I thought was really intriguing and proved to work. Um, you know, he said that in his experience, people bring the most to their work when they feel connected to a mission and the people around them. And when he was in the surgeon General's office, his his staff grew exponentially, exponentially as all of these, you know, public health issues were coming to fore. And although everybody got along well, it really became clear that they didn't even recognize who they were or the rich life experience that each person brought to the team. And so to bring them all closer, they developed a something that's called the inside scoop. And it was an exercise in which team members were asked to share something about themselves through pictures for five minutes during weekly staff meetings. Um, you know, presenting this information and talking about themselves and their community through pictures was an opportunity for each of them to share more of who they were. And then the listening was an opportunity to recognize colleagues in the way that they wanted to be seen. And Vivek Murthy. Doctor Vivek Murthy said the impact was immediate. He said these sessions quickly became many people's favorite time of the week, and they were more enthusiastic about participating at staff meetings. People felt more valued by the team after seeing their colleagues genuine, genuine reactions to their stories and team members who had traditionally been quiet during discussions began to speak up. Many actually even began taking on tasks outside their traditional roles, and they appeared much less stressed at work and coming full circle when we're talking about social isolation and loneliness. Most of them said how much more connected they felt to their colleagues and the mission they served. Try it. Something like it. Whatever it is, put it into place. I don't want to. I want to leave you with some resources so you can take this conversation or this discussion or this presentation further. I mentioned earlier, um, the American Bar Association Commission on Lawyer Assistance Programs. The link is on the screen. Reach out. There's a lamp in every state. It's confidential. It's non-judgmental. Um, there are trained clinicians, most of whom are lawyers on staff, and they are there to help. Um, the Institute for Well-Being in law, Law. Another excellent resource. Um, all kinds of ideas, activities. Um, you don't have to think about it. You don't have to think about it yourself. You don't have to, you know, reinvent the wheel. They've got it all there to help develop a sense of community to and to, um, work against and combat social isolation and loneliness. Um, Olivia Ash just wrote a book all about her experience. A lawyer. Um, all about. I wrote a book about her experience with loneliness, social isolation. She's got a great website as well called Live Balanced Net. And then again, I commend the Surgeon General's report to you. Take a look at it. Granted, it's 82 pages, but it is chock full of not only information about loneliness and social isolation, but it truly is a clarion call for all of us, not just those of us who are in the legal profession, to reach out, to make time to socially connect with others, and to combat this epidemic of loneliness that from which we are all suffering globally, around the world. Um, if you have any questions or you want some more resources or you'd like to talk further about any of these issues, or you'd even like to see some of the links to the studies about lawyers and loneliness, about lawyers and self, um, isolation, or even about lawyers and wellbeing and how this social interaction component comes into a culture of well-being or striving to thrive. Please feel free to reach out to me. Um. I'm happy to answer any and all questions and provide more resources. Um, if and with that I will say thank you very much for listening. Um, and be well.